Are you what you are today because of your dad?

Are you what you are because that is what your parents wanted you to be? There is a high possibility that the answer is yes. But why is it like that. Why do parents have such a big say in what we should be? Why do they push us into becoming a doctor or an engineer when we want to do management or the arts?

I remember this school friend of mine. Both of us studied together till the 10th standard & later I decided to take the commerce stream despite my parents advising me to take up science. My friend was also pressurized to take up science and eventually did that only to flunk his 12th exams. Being a recruiter I have seen so many candidates who have done their 11th & 12th in the science stream & then shifting to the commerce stream for their graduation. Some of them end up doing two graduations; say a BCA & then a B. Com through correspondence. Some of them discontinue whatever they are doing because they can’t cope with it & end up doing Diplomas. To top all this, I came across a case where in the parent just crossed the limit. There was this girl who wanted to pursue her BA but her dad wanted her to do B.Com or BBM. The girl of course didn’t agree. So how was it resolved? Dad asked her daughter to quit studies & work instead. The father wasn’t really keen on her doing BA because he was of the view that someone doing a BA didn’t stand a good chance in the job market. Today the girl is working & still has no permission to pursue her graduation in BA.

I suppose its in our culture this entire thing. What the elders say is right? And what they say should be followed. We are brought up with such thinking. But today when there are numerous career choices open parents forcing their children to take a particular path is completely unfair & unwanted, because most of the new career paths pay well & are proper careers not just jobs.

Everything in life has its extremes. So here too, its not always like the parents are forcing their kids to become what they want them to become. The other extreme of this is when parents give too much leeway to their kids to decide what they want to do with their life. They are like ‘whether you do Commerce or Science, that doesn’t matter, all I want is you to be happy & successful.’ Sometimes that goes even further, ‘even if you don’t work its fine.’ Such an approach isn’t healthy either. Such a casual & free approach will not help the kids and at a later date when they are faced with a situation where in they are not enjoying the job, the parents ‘you do what you want’ approach could be detrimental to the kids future.

Parents have to partner with their kids & help them understand the merits & demerits of pursuing something as a career. Today being a doctor is not all & all those who did engineering because that was like the next best option after medicine are now also doing MBA to equip themselves with the management knowledge so that they are not left behind by those who learnt Accounts & Finance in their graduation.