Sunday, July 10, 2005

Kissing on the Street - Ok to look or not?

Is it ok to look when someone kisses on the street?

Just to clarify I’am not talking of a father kissing his first standard kid, a dog lover kissing a dog. We are strictly talking of a couple, old enough to understand what they are doing & doing passionately.

I’am not even talking of kissing in pubs or at parties I’am talking of kissing in public, on the streets.

We are not even discussing why this is happening & even if it is good or bad & so on.
Strictly, if someone kisses on the street is it ok to look.

Well that is a tough one isn’t it?

I have had the privilege (?) of being in places & at times when some couple or the other have wanted to express their love for each other. Considering that most of us these days are ‘open minded’, ‘broad minded’, ‘modern’, ‘very today’ & so on may be this happening in the first place is actually not a topic of discussion at all. Well needless to say I think differently. I think it is actually important to discuss. For the moment though if we assume that it has been concluded that it is ok for such things (i.e. kissing in public) to happen then I have the above question to ask.

Having asked the question I also feel there cant be a Yes or No answer to it. I mean come on how can I go about saying Yes I can look at a couple kissing on the street or even No I cant look at a couple kissing on the street.

Let me explain.

Firstly it is important to acknowledge that this is a new phenomenon. This kind of stuff is not something that used to happen in the past & it still doesn’t happen a lot even today. It’s just the rare cases. May be that is the problem that it is still rare in India. May be if it isn’t rare & one gets to see couples kissing just about everywhere then one wouldn’t react like this.

I’am of the view it should be ok to look. I mean come on if these guys who are kissing don’t care a damn about the fact that there are people around then why should I care about looking. They kiss & I look. They kiss some more & I look some more.

I’am trying hard to write, NO it is not ok to look but I’am unable to come up with genuine reasons for the same. Not that I have come up with genuine reasons for looking in the first place.

Let me deal with this question a little differently from the perspective of the kissers. If I were kissing someone in public would I like being looked? Umm may be not. But then having said that since it is not a regular phenomenon one is generally bound to give a second look at someone kissing in public. It’s only natural at least till it becomes a regular thing.

More than just looking what is important is what one feels about the whole thing. If I look & ignore then it is fine. If I look & start calling the couple names & start concluding they are this & that etc then it’s a problem. Then its getting to me & I should probably avoid looking at them kiss. May be even stop going to places where they are likely to kiss.

On a more serious note I feel it is important to give the couple the freedom to do what they want and the same way I feel I should get the freedom to look at as well.

It’s a win – win situation after all!

Perfection - Good, Bad or Ugly?

“I’am not perfect”, I told my friend. “Nobody is perfect”.

“Perfection is a process not a state,” I said finally.

Her reaction to it suggested I had made a very good and valid point.

What is perfect really? May be it simply means something that is good to its maximum extent. It could be a thing or a person. I never really had an opinion on what Perfect means and I have no idea how I got the above view into my head. When I said it I said it for the first time. Let me try to analyze the point that ‘Perfection is a process and not a state’.

Lets take a simple Reynolds pen. It could be perfect in all possible manners at any given point of time. The body is good, the refill is good, the ink in the refill is of very good quality etc but are we saying it cant be better? Can it not actually be better? I say it can be better, much better. The next version of the pen with some improvements will surely be
better. So is this perfect then? Once again I don’t think so. The better can improve to Much Better and so on.

This way I don’t think anything or anyone can be called Perfect. Perfection is indeed an ongoing process and not a state.

Of late I have heard the term Perfect being used very liberally by a lot of people. I wonder if they really know what they are talking about. If they think a little they wouldn’t use this term.

I would like to delve a little more on the concept or theory of people being perfect. Once again I want to ask the question – Can a person call himself perfect? Is there anything like a Perfect Human Being? What is a perfect human being after all? Are we talking about his physical appearance, his attitudes, values, the way he speaks, the way he walks, the way he is with his folks at home, friends etc. Or are we getting to things like emotions, moods, ideas, thoughts, opinions and so on. Even if say it’s the whole package of whatever I have listed out above and more, can I still go ahead and call someone perfect?


There is always a possibility of improving something or the other. When I say perfect it means it needs no improvement, no change, NOTHING. Can I really confidently say something or someone is perfect to that extent?

The other term that is used very often is Perfectionist. The following are some of the meanings to Perfectionist: Stickler, Purist, Someone who likes to do things properly, obsessive, thorough person, uncompromising worker.

I know three people I can confidently say are Perfectionists. One is Aamir Khan. Two is my Boss and three is Me. Yeah I don’t know Aamir Khan personally but from whatever I have read and understood about him Perfectionist describes him Best. Being an Aamir Khan fan I have always admired him in the way he goes about doing things. Again all the views & opinions about him are strictly from what I get to read in the books & what I see on TV.

Of course when it comes to my Boss I know him, though at a professional level only. And when it comes to me I can say for sure that I am one as well.

Apart from all the other meanings that I have listed above I would like to add one myself. Perfectionist is one ‘who does things in style’ or at least someone who strives to do things in style. The question though is how does one define style? Or if we go with some of the above meanings, how does one define a ‘stickler’ or a ‘purist’ or an uncompromising person’.

I got myself thinking on these lines as a result of a few things that happened.

One, I have become the nitpicker, if you know what I mean. I don’t think twice about telling someone that is not the way it is suppose to be. I have also become the uninvited counselor, giving advices and telling people how they should do things or solve the problems they are facing. This accordingly to me is a result of me being a Perfectionist. I feel I know it all.

Two, lets take one example about Aamir Khan. Yesterday I was watching the immensely popular chat show called ‘Koffee with Karan’. The guests were former Miss World turned Actress Priyanka Chopra and former Model turned actor Arjun Rampal. The show is a very candid one where the stars are grilled by the host who also happens to be one of the most talented Directors of recent times, Karan Johar. In one section called Controversies, the guests on the show are grilled on some of the controversies surrounding them. The question posed to Arjun Rampal: why is he not part of the movie named ‘Rang de Bansati’ which has Aamir Khan part of it as the lead star. The initial answer by Arjun: “ there was no clarity as to what I was expected to do and it just prolonged for a little too long and so I backed out. But on being prodded a little more by Karan if Aamir Khan had anything to do with it, Arjun clarifies, “Well I have heard rumours about Mr. Aamir Khan getting involved a little too much into his films and I think he had some fears about me being part of the movie”

So the question I would like to ask is, “Can it be possible for Asmir Khan to have objected to Arjun Rampal being part of the movie as a result of whatever doubts Aamir Khan might have had about Arjun’s capabilities as an actor?” I think it’s highly possible. The only question is, is it possible for Aamir to think that way and is he thinking that way as a result of being a Perfectionist?

Three, My Boss is a very nice man. Once he openly told me he is a perfectionist. He shared this little experience with me. Apparently he had asked a couple of people at work to send some promotional mailers across and gave them a surprise visit as they were in the process of doing so. He realized that the job being done was a very superficial one and of very bad quality and as a result he reacted the most natural way – He blasted them. Over 250 mailers had to be reworked on and he insisted on taking a look at the improved one before they actually mailed it.

I want to know if Perfectionists can limit their urge to be perfect only to themselves. Going by the above examples it not only seems difficult but just not possible. All the three examples above very clearly suggest that the Perfectionists look for perfection beyond themselves and their work. So is this good, bad or ugly?

Being a perfectionist myself I can understand how easy it is to start influencing others to do things my way. For some reason I feel my way of doing things are the best or the correct way of doing it. Since I cant quite explain or speak for the others let me explain this from my point of view.

Let me take one example. MS Excel is one of the frequently used applications at work.
I have learnt to work on MS Excel the hard way. I have learnt most of the short cuts, the ways & means to utilize the application to the best possible extent and. Therefore as a result of knowing it all, I would tell others how they could use some of the shortcuts and also go one step further by telling them which finger to use for pressing which key on the keyboard. This habit of mine annoyed quite a few and actually became an issue between a team member of mine and me despite saying it in the nicest possible manner.

Going by all the above examples, The Perfectionists don’t seem to be most liked by others for how they are. So to the Perfectionist is this not a very contrary thing to how he/she would like things to be for them. I mean if someone is truly and completely a perfectionist would he/she have being liked by all also as one of their objectives?

Not that the others like it. I am very confident that they think I think they are not capable of doing it without my advice or guidance. This is

I feel all these perfectionists including me don’t quite know where to draw the line. In our strive for pe

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